1,000 titles (part 2)

Well, I finally finished my second batch of titles which took me much longer than the first batch, over a year to be exact, whereas the 1st 1,000 took me under half that. The actual title of the new book is going to be "1,000 titles + 1,000 more" and this again will change once I finish more titles. My eventual goal is to reach 10,000, after which I will actually try to publish the whole fuckin' mess as a REAL physical book with wicked cool design, notes, sketches and photos, maybe even throw in a CD/DVD of some weird shit. When that'll be, who knows, but let's just say I'd love to finish it before the decade is out.

Please wait a bit before downloading, because I'm still updating the design and shit. Not too much longer though... I posted a new cover design above, I don't know if it'll survive either too long, but it sure is better than the last cover, which I did in about 5 minutes...

A few of the new titles can be read on the sidebar of my blog if you scroll down a little. Enjoy...

Burning Witch - Crippled Lucifer re-issue

EDIT (January 27th, 2008) NOTE: The release date has been pushed back until February 8th). Also coming out the same day on Daymare is a re-issue of Sunn O)))'s first album, VOID which is also getting the 2 disc treatment, Disk 2 being a re-mix by Steven Stapleton, it'll be worth purchasing just for that.

“Crippled Lucifer: 10 Psalms For Our Lord of Light” is finally out on Southern Lord as a 2 CD set, but I'm waiting for the Daymare version which comes out this Friday (Jan.25th), because it apparently has an extra live show which is not on the Southern Lord issue, however, it comes with a special download card with a link to download the show! What the fuck? If there's room, just put it on the disc ya fucking dweebs!!! I don't understand SL sometimes. Anyway, Daymare's gettin' my money.
A bit of history for those of you in the dark: After the breakup of the cult doom/death band Thorr's Hammer in 1995, Stephen O'Malley, Greg Anderson and Jamie Sykes formed Burning Witch. The band then added G. Stuart Dahlquist and vocalist Edgy 59 (Alan Dubin), rounding out their lineup. Anderson left the band and moved to Los Angeles to form Goatsnake. In 1996, the band (w/out Anderson) recorded songs with Steve Albini, which would become the Towers... EP. This collection would actually not see a formal release on 12" until 1998 on Slap A Ham Records. After the sessions for these songs, Sykes left the band and was replaced by B.R.A.D. The sessions that followed the Albini recordings resulted in the Rift.Canyon.Dreams EP, which would prove to be the final recordings by the band, as they broke up soon after the disc was completed. It was released on 12" by Merciless Records. Shortly after disbanding: " Crippled Lucifer" a compilation CD of the two EPs, was released in 1998 by the then new label Southern Lord Records. It was the second release of the label, the first being Thorrs' Hammer. Burning Witch briefly reformed for their last shows in the fall of 1998 after which Edgy 59 left the band. O'Malley reunited with Anderson to form Sunn O))), and Dahlquist joined both in sunn 0))) for their first two albums (The Grimm Robe Demos øø Void) then briefly joined Anderson in Goatsnake for the "Flower of Disease" album. This deluxe double cd re-issue of all Burning Witch recordings will serve as a respectful epitaph for this incredible band. It compiles both the Towers and Rift Canyon Dreams albums which were on the the original Crippled Lucifer release PLUS the following out of print material: "Communion" and "the Bleeder" from: split CD with Goatsnake (Hydra Head Records 2000) OUT OF PRINT and "Rift Canyon Dreams" from :split 12" with Asva (Dos Fatales Records 2004) OUT OF PRINT (remixed by Randall Dunn (sunn, boris, earth) and available for the first time ever on cd).

So as you can see, these recordings are the roots of much of what has grown into the current existence of Southern Lord alumni including Sunn 0))), Khanate, Goatsnake, Teeth Of Lions Rule The Divine etc.. as well as: KTL, Asva, etc.. This deluxe double cd re-issue of all Burning Witch recordings will serve as a respectful epitaph for this incredible band.

Slow swampy down tuned guitars, depression, agony, long songs, your basic doom metal gourmét meal. Be Warned, this is not fuckin' stoner rock like Sleep, Earth or OM. This is pure punishment. Let there be DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

LICK MY BALLS, THEN LICK 'EM AGAIN...

This is a much needed re-post of a little message I posted a year or so ago. This goes out to all the STUPID ASSHOLES OF THE WORLD (which is about 90% of the population) I just wish people would use some common sense and have a bit of respect for other people. I nearly get run over on a daily basis by cars going through red lights. I get smacked into from people RUNNING out of buildings without first looking to the left and to the right, running through crowded areas, or just plain running because they're in a hurry for their stupid unimportant business meeting or WHATEVER.

So here's an extra BIG BIG "FUCK YOU!!!" with sugar on top to the following people. You are the worst pieces of human scum there is, the existence of your pitiful life on this earth is not needed and I hope you all hang by your genitals and die a slow agonizing death while I watch and laugh unbcontrollably. You are:

1. Drivers who cannot wait 3 seconds for me to cross the street, even though the signal clearly indicates GO, so you drive about 3 millimeters from me and sometimes even run into me, then have the gall to honk on your horn at me. I do not give a fuck about your "important" meeting or golf game. This especially goes out to you fucking CAB Drivers, you ALL SUCK BALLS!!! Fuck you a million times!!!

2. People who wear headphones while you ride a bicycle or walk (this may be banned soon, but people will still do it anyway)

3. People who drive and talk on your cellular phones at the same time. This includes bikes. This is also being banned soon, but who's gonna follow this law? Who's gonna enforce it? You and I are going to enforce it, goddamnit! Every time you see a person on a bicycle talking on their cellphone, you should get as close as you can to that person and let out the loudest shriek possible, preferably directly in the person' ear, so that he is scared shitless and hopefully crashes his bike and dies. I've tested this a few times and it actually works quite well. I gave one guy a heart attack I think, another person I once sent crashing into a group of old ladies who were furious at the guy. I actually tried to grab a guy's cellphone while he was talking so I could smash it on the ground, but he was too quick.

4. People who butt in front of me when I'm in line waiting for the train

5. People who butt in front of me waiting in line at convenience stores, etc. This especially applies to you OLD FUCKING LADIES!

6. people who fail to look left and right after you RUN out of a building onto the street. Secondly, don't run, casually walk and look both ways, if the coast is clear, sure, go ahead and run.

7. people who run in crowded streets or crowded places

8. people who stand in front of convenience stores (or any store) entrances, therefore blocking the entrance. (I will hit you if you don't move)

9. people who talk loud while riding public transportation

10. women who sit in restaurants, public transportation and other public places putting on their make-up. Do you know how stupid you are? Go to the fucking restroom, nobody wants to see your ugly face and no one wants to smell your shitty cosmetics that were probably tested on animals.

11. people who fail to look out the window of a vehicle before opening the door, thus causing a cyclist or pedestrian to sustain major injuries. My wife experienced this and had extreme back, shoulder and neck pain which required her to visit a chiropractor and massage therapist every week for almost a year, plus numerous hospital visits (all because one person failed to take 2 seconds to look before she opened the door of her truck)

12. people who fail to flush the toilet in public places, so the next person has to deal with your little brown stinky surprise.

13. people who leave your trays and other shit behind at fast food restaurants, cafés, etc.

14. people who stand on sidewalks talking on their phones or whatever blocking human traffic

15. people with pets who don't clean up their shit so that I conveniently step into it

16. people who spit out your chewing gum anywhere else but the garbage bin, so that I can get it stuck to my shoe or my clothing

17. People who stand on the wrong side of escalator when it clearly indicates stand left, walk right. If you go back a few months in the archives, I posted something about a stupid new law that Japan is proposing about people not being able to walk AT ALL on escalators. How stupid is that? All this because a few people complained of being run into when in fact, THEY were in the wrong.

18. people who throw your bikes on top of mine, so that I have to spend 10 minutes fishing it out of a huge messy pile.

19. people who smoke in non-smoking sections when it clearly says NO SMOKING

Chistopher Hitchens' GOD IS NOT GREAT and some other book recommendations

Just a couple days ago I posted a review of RICHARD DAWKINS' brilliant "THE GOD DELUSION" and I'd like to review another atheist book by Christopher Hitchens, one of the great political shit-disturbers of our time. Another book I'm looking forward to reading by him is THE PORTABLE ATHEIST: Essential Readings for the Nonbeliever.

This is a very different book than Dawkins'. but this book along with Dawkins' are 2 of the best of the recent rash of atheist manifestos. Dawkins' is much more scientific, Christopher Hitchens seems to write with more of a youthful rhetoric spirit that makes reading his book very entertaining indeed, especially once he's got God in the ring. "monotheistic religion is a plagiarism of a plagiarism of a hearsay of a hearsay, of an illusion of an illusion, extending all the way back to a fabrication of a few nonevents."

The main focus of Hitchens' book (and its' real strength) is the grim and bloody pictures he paints of religion's worst face in war and isolated despotic regimes. Hitchens is totally unapologetic about slamming religion. He once described Mother Teresa as "a fanatic, a fundamentalist, and a fraud." Hitchens writes, religion is "violent, irrational, intolerant, allied to racism and tribalism and bigotry, invested in ignorance and hostile to free inquiry, contemptuous of women and coercive toward children." Hitchens argues that religion is "man-made" and murderous, originating in fear, forced and sustained by brutality.

Hitchens is unforgiving. This is scathing stuff and I think many people might be put off by the overall tone of the book. Just as an example, he slams world-respected Dalai Lama, St. Francis and Gandhi into the ground without an ounce of apology. Hitchens is right that you can be moral without being religious. He is right to trace contemporary sexism and sexual repression to ancient religious beliefs. And his attack on "intelligent design" is not only convincing but very funny. He describes the religious mind as "literal and limited" and the atheistic mind as "ironic and inquiring." I wholeheartedly agree.

My only real complaint about the book is that it often takes a Michael Moore-like approach to the subject, highlighting the evils of religion while not conceding any positive aspects. But given the fact that religious people tend to pigeonhole atheists at best as "lost souls" and "Satan-worshippers", a little counter-aggression and hatred is OK with me.

It's clear Hitchens KNOWS his topic. He was brought up in the Church of England, married into Greek Orthodoxy, was a former Marxist turned conservative who has acted as 'devil's advocate' in the Vatican's beatification of Mother Theresa, and has reported on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict and Moslem insurgencies around the world. He is clearly disgusted for what religious belief makes people do.

He has read the Bible, the Torah, the Book of Mormon and the Koran, and finds no evidence that they contain the words of any being other than fallible, parochial and non-contemporary humans, writing well after the events they claim to describe. He is particularly scathing about the Book of Mormon, dictated by Joseph Smith to a scribe behind a curtain who was not permitted to see the golden tablets delivered to Smith personally by the angel Moroni, and given back to the angel without anyone else seeing them. Just to state this is to reveal its absurdity, and yet we have a presidential candidate who avows it.

This is a well-argued, well-researched book that is pretty easy and fun to read. This is one of those books that you wish you could get your religious friends to read. However, most religious people don't even read their own Bibles anymore, let alone anything that challenges their faith. This belongs on EVERY bookshelf.

Here are some other recommended readings:

1. THE ORIGIN OF THE SPECIES - Charles Darwin (This should need no introduction...)
2. Another 2 books I've heard much about, but I haven't read yet is Sam Harris' "THE END OF FAITH" and "LETTERS TO A CHRISTIAN NATION".
3. Nietzsche "THE ANTICHRIST" and "BEYOND GOOD AND EVIL",etc. http://www.gutenberg.org/etext/19322
4. Bertrand Russell "WHY I AM NOT A CHRISTIAN, AND OTHER ESSAYS" http://www.positiveatheism.org/hist/russ...
5. "The Atheist Debater's Handbook"
6. "The Demon Haunted World" Carl Sagan
7. "GOD: THE FAILED HYPOTHESIS" (Prometheus Books, 2007) by Victor Stenger. A physicist and astronomer considers and demolishes a number of the cosmological arguments for the existence of a supernatural creator, including the recently-in-vogue arguments (the Anthropic Principle or the "fine-tuned universe") that [allegedly] against very high odds to the contrary, various physical laws and constants have values and relationships that make intelligent life possible, and therefore that something must have designed and created this universe as it is.
8. "DARWINS'S DANGEROUS IDEA" by Daniel C. Dennett (Touchstone / Simon & Schuster 1995). A terrific book that patiently explains, in detail, many of the implications of Darwin's theory of descent with modification / natural selection as it has been tested, re-tested, and refined over the past 148 years.
9. Stephen Hawking's "A BRIEF HISTORY OF TIME" and the more recent more accessible revision of the above book "A BRIEFER HISTORY OF TIME"

Rufus Wainwright Live: Monday 21 January 2008 at Namba Hatch

Well, what can say about about Rufus and his Monday night performance at Namba Hatch here in Osaka? It was first time ever to see Rufus Wainwright live and I wasn't disappointed with the performance itself, but I would've like to hear more stuff from Want 1 and Want 2, but he played mostly stuff from his new album RELEASE THE STARS, which I wasn't too impressed with. Live, it sounds great, but that was the first Rufus studio album that I traded a few weeks later. He also did a few selections from his October release, "Rufus Does Judy At Carnegie Hall", a 2 CD set that tries to recreate Judy Garland's performance at the infamous Carnegie Hall. Seems like a gay choice to me, but then again, Rufus is gay, so I guess it's OK.

He changed outfits about 3 times. During the 1st set, he was wearing this over-the-top white Elvis-like outfit with gold and glittery shit all over it, then he came out in the 2nd set wearing a green schoolboy uniform, r maybe it was a gay lumberjack uniform, I'm not quite sure actually. If he would've been wearing lime green tights and a green hat with a feather in it, he could've passed as Peter Pan. Then for the encore he wore black stockings, high heels and from the waist up he was wearing a penguin-type suit. How GAY!

Rufus can be a bit overly flamboyant about his gayness, kinda like Elton John, but I can excuse it because he's such a damn good singer/songwriter and performer. Doesn't surprise me, I mean, his whole family is famous, his mother Kate McGarrigle (half of the now famous folk duo of Kate and Anna McGarrigle), his dad Loudon Wainwright and now his sister, Martha, who I still haven't heard, but look forward to hearing.

The show was about 2 hours, good length, tickets were way too expensive in my opinion at 7,000 yen (about 70 bucks). But that's Japan. Shit, you pay 25 or 30 bucks just to see a minor metal act in this country.

By the way, RELEASE THE STARS is one of the WORST album covers I've ever seen.

THE GOD DELUSION: by Richard Dawkins

If you're not an atheist yet, then you SHOULD be. And there are countless reasons why. These 2 books that I'm read recently and am about to briefly review here have confirmed in my mind that without a doubt, there is no stinking GOD and that religion IS, as Christopher Hitchens puts it in the sub-title of his book, POISON that destroys EVERYTHING. Free yourself from the religion trap now, it's an unnecessary prison and these 2 essential books are the life raft to guide you OUT of that prison and help you realize what a crock of shit GOD is.

An amazon reviewer, Harvey Ardman, put it like this:

"It won't convert many believers, not because it is wrong--it isn't--and not because it isn't well-written--it is--but because whatever else you can say about faith, it isn't easily extinguished. For those who have it, it is the only life raft on a limitless ocean. Those who don't have learned how to swim, or plan to. "

But if you ARE on of these that HAVE THE FAITH, be goddamned sure that you are ready to have it tested. I'm sure that most of the religious readers of this book will be unswayed from their opinions. In my experience, trying to argue with a religious person, especially Christian, is like talking to a wall, they're the most stubborn and snobby people on the face of the earth. Belief unquestioned is worthless, but Dawkins makes such a powerful and compelling argument for the non-existence of God that it really seems, to me, to leave very little room for doubt.

As a kid, I was sent to church at least 2 or 3 Sundays a month from when I was 6 until I was 13 or 14. After that, I refused to go to church anymore, except for a few exceptions out of respect for my mother or grandparents, like Christmas or Easter, special holidays and that kind of shit. From then until I was about 24 or 25, I was one of those fence -sitters (agnostic) but after meeting some key people and reading and watching a lot on the subject, especially science books, science documentaries, etc, I knew that there had to be another answer. If you put the basic pieces together, it's not that hard to imagine.

Think about real hard for a few minutes, a divine GOD who precisely designed everything in the vast universe and multiverse? Right down to every detail, like the eyes on very tiny bugs that we can't even see without a microscope? In 7 days? The only alternative could only be, of course, natural selection, as originally hypothesized and explained very well and very logically by Charles Darwin. This "GOD" that is supposed to love us will stab us in the back and send us to the eternal fires of hell if we get slightly out of line and not worship him every Sunday. It's simple, science has given us answers and solutions to many things and religion has not explained a thing that's even remotely believable. Not ONE FUCKIN' Thing. You'd think someone as important as GOD would have made it into the history books. The only record we have of his existence is the HOLY BIBLE, and everything in the modern New Testament Bible has been plagiarized from other sources from older religions. If you want the full story on this, watch Part 1 of Zeitgeist, or better yet, read the transcript HERE:

Evolution is not so hard to understand really, the basic fundamental principles. I don't consider myself to be a genius in any way, I'm actually quite stupid when it comes to practical everyday things. Anyway, we're not talking general relativity with shitloads of equations. It’s pretty simple stuff, really. But there ARE a few myths that have to be debunked. The most common is that evolution is just an random accident. It's not. Dawkins’ definition of evolution is a useful one: random mutations plus nonrandom cumulative selection. The natural selection part occurs with that cumulative selection — that’s where direction comes in. If it was random, we wouldn’t be here.

The other common myth is that we came from monkeys or great apes. I don't think that's true. Apes, monkeys and humans all came from a common ancestor millions of years ago. Evolution and natural selection require very careful balancing, so I don't think the famous progress ladder theory is right anymore like I used to.

Finally, the big question:What meaning does the universe have? What is our purpose? NOTHING. A star is just a blob of plasma, just atoms doing what they do under heat and pressure, nothing more, nothing less. Faith never entered the picture. So the meaning that's really important is what we put into life and what we make our life. GOD has nothing to do with "purpose" or "meaning" other than waiting around for some afterlife that may or may not be there. All the more reason to make this life a meaningful and fulfilling one.

I've been a proud atheist for about 10 years, but until reading this book, I hadn't fully grasped all the issues. This book is just an extension of what I've always been thinking about for years, but couldn't express in words. Now someone has, and I'm mighty thankful to Richard Dawkins for that. I just hope more people read it. I fear for most readers of the other side, this is a waste of time.

It's impossible to get into every issue that the book covers, so if I've sparked your curiosity even a little, pick up the book and read it. Read it twice, three times, absorb it, then pass it on to someone who may be sitting on the fence. Because I sincerely believe that we will never progress until religion is crushed, along with the corrupt political systems that supports religion.

The following dialogue is from BAD BOY BUBBY, and Australian film by Rolf de Heer

The Scientist: [plays organ music in church]
Bubby: Jesus can see everything I do... and he's going to beat me brainless!
The Scientist: Come down.
[Scene change; they are in a factory]
The Scientist: You see, no one's going to help you Bubby, because there isn't anybody out there to do it. No one. We're all just complicated arrangements of atoms and subatomic particles - we don't live. But our atoms do move about in such a way as to give us identity and consciousness. We don't die; our atoms just rearrange themselves. There is no God. There can be no God; it's ridiculous to think in terms of a superior being. An inferior being, maybe, because we, we who don't even exist, we arrange our lives with more order and harmony than God ever arranged the earth. We measure; we plot; we create wonderful new things. We are the architects of our own existence. What a lunatic concept to bow down before a God who slaughters millions of innocent children, slowly and agonizingly starves them to death, beats them, tortures them, rejects them. What folly to even think that we should not insult such a God, damn him, think him out of existence. It is our duty to think God out of existence. It is our duty to insult him. Fuck you, God! Strike me down if you dare, you tyrant, you non-existent fraud! It is the duty of all human beings to think God out of existence. Then we have a future. Because then - and only then - do we take full responsibility for who we are. And that's what you must do, Bubby: think God out of existence; take responsibility for who you are.

Another atheist book which I will review on here is Christopher Hitchen's "GOD IS NOT GREAT: How Religion Poisons Everything", which is a much less scientific book than Dawkin's book. It deals more with the unnecessary wars and violence throughout history as a result of different religions and their ridiculous beliefs and customs. Very interesting read.

Didn't This Guy's Mom Ever Tell Him Not to Bite Blasting Caps?

This photo has haunted me for a long time. This image has been stamped in my brain ever since I found it on Rotten.com about 9 years ago and will probably never leave. Every time I look at this photo, I wonder what was going through this man's brain before and after he bit that blasting cap and what was he thinking when this shot was taken? Apparently, this guy survived, but nobody has any photo evidence of what he looks like today after the massive reconstruction he underwent. This photo has since been taken off rotten.com, because the guy threatened to sue, but I was lucky enough to stumble across it again on one of my old archive CD's. The original story is now quite legendary and he was the 2nd Runner up in the 1997 DARWIN AWARDS.

"Man loses face at party." A man at a West Virginia party (probably related to the winner last year, a man in Arkansas who used the .22 bullet to replace the fuse in his pickup truck) popped a blasting cap into his mouth and bit down, triggering an explosion that blew off his lips, teeth, and tongue. Jerry Stromyer, 24, of Kincaid, bit the blasting cap as a prank during the party late Tuesday night, said Cpl. M.D. Payne. "Another man had it in an aquarium hooked to a battery and was trying to explode it. It wouldn't go off and this guy said I'll show you how to set it off." He put it into his mouth, bit down and it blew all his teeth out and his lips and tongue off, Payne said. Stromyer was listed in guarded condition Wednesday with extensive facial injuries, according to a spokesperson at Charleston Area Medical Division. "I just can't imagine anyone doing something like that," Payne said.

Yes, this is the true account of The 2nd runner-up account of a lad who succeeded in his attempt to set off a blasting cap by biting down on it is another strange-yet-true tale. On 18 March 1986, a 24-year-old man named Jerry Stromyer did indeed blow off his lips, teeth and tongue in this manner.

All I can say is, I wish I would've been there. What a complete moron...

The Amazing Fart Man

This is how fucked up TV has become in the last few years. Maybe ROTTEN MAN stands a chance, Ben Wilson and I have to film a pilot once I get my ass back to Vancouver. Beat that shit, CHURKO!

I'm Lovin' It!

I did these fake McDonald's ads a number of months ago just for the hell of it and posted them on Facebook but no one else outside the my small community of Facebook friends has seen them until now. I just got bored one day and was looking at one of the McDonald's bag designs and I thought I would do some of my own. A few people said I should send them to Kalle Lasn at Adbusters, but I think they're so tasteless that even Adbusters wouldn't run them. So anyway, here they are in all their sick and crude glory for all to enjoy.

I have tons of other ideas for mock ad campaigns on the back burner, including the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, Nike, KFC, GAP, United Colors of Benetton, KODAK, Wendy's, and much more but haven't taken the time to execute them yet, some of them involve quite elaborate and expensive photo shoots.

Oh YES kiddies, I have plans, very special plans for this silly little world. No corporation will be safe! Boo Ha Ha Ha... no seriously, if things are taken too far, I may get sued or a term in jail, so I'd better restrain a little bit at least.

I didn't specifically target McDonalds, I just think the I'm Lovin' It campaign has gotten worn out, it's time for something new like "I'm Bulbous!!!" or "Barf it Up!!!"

I shamefully admit that I DO eat at McDonald's once in a while, and I feel guilty as hell about it. There's something about those Big Mac's and the crappy feeling they give me like I just ate a giant jar of lard...

Blast from the past

Fuck. These are funny. Someone posted these on Facebook and I can't believe they are the same person. These were all taken in design college, probably 1992-93 I guess. College. What a fun time. Getting sloshed every weekend in PEI, going to Myron's pub, then after hanging out out at Subway, too drunk to finish our subs. This doesn't seem that long ago but I guess it was. I can't believe how fucking skinny I was. Now I have a bulbous ass. Really bulbous and gettin' bulbouser by the minute. I know that's not grammatically correct, but hey, I don't see no grammar police, so I'll say it like that. Ha.

Nothing much has changed since then, except I don't drink anymore, I'm married and I never go out, but I'm still a geek collector, then it was comics, now it's CD's, DVD's and design books. It was funny to look at some of my design shit when I was home last winter. I did this poster titled BEGINNINGS, which was supposed to be a poster introducing the first year student's artwork and I think my poster was the worst. I should've scanned it or taken a photo of it to post here. It was a drawing I did of this hellspawn creature coming outta hell, looked like a demo cover for a really bad black metal band, complete with hand-done type which looked like dripping blood or something melting. Everyone in my class thought I was completely insane.

It's amazing to look back at that time and then look at my shit now and see how far I've progressed. It's also funny that I don't have 1 goddamn piece of corporate work in 10 years of working in the design world that I'm happy with. It's all shit, done for corporate suit-and-tie clients with very narrow and self-sastifying objectives. That's advertising!

Anyway, enjoy the pictures.

Ernie and Bert go BRUTAL

This is a lesson in grindcore from the scum of Sesame Street! Die! Tickle Me Asshole! Die! Die! Die!

Hairy Chest = Sexual Harassment?

OK. This recent "Hairy Chest/Naked Man/Sexually Harrassing/Disgusting Festival Man" or however you want to twist it has gone too fuckn' far. This controversy is a classic example of how the Japanese media takes one little miniscule, unimportant molecule of an issue and blows it up into a worldwide debate.

First, read the original MAINICHI News story here.

As most of you with a straight head would agree, this is just completely fucked and it shows how fucking spineless JR Rail is and how desperate the media is for stories. If anything, the poster is quite funny, the expression on the guy's face gives me quite a chuckle. But I find it about as offensive as a garden hose.

OK, I can point out a million things that would be considered more "offensive" and "sexually harassing" than this poster. How about the fact that you can legally buy pretty racy spank books of 10 year bikini chicks in any idol shop in the country. How about the fact that I get a mountain of unwanted porn related fliers in my fucking mailbox every year. How about the fact that you can walk in any convenience store and see extremely big breasted idols on normal weekly magazine covers, clearly on display. How's about the noise from Pachinko parlors? How about the large number of police officers raping women recently?

I find the smell of the pollution in Shinsaibashi, Namba, Umeda and pretty much every other area of Osaka very very offensive. I find it offensive that half the female population has to spend every 5 minutes looking in the mirror checking their make-up on the train or in public, also stinking up the air with their shitty perfume. I find it very offensive how much a public servant makes in a year.

I have a mustache and beard. AND CHEST HAIR. Am I offensive???.......er . . ... Wait. Don't answer that question.

Anyway, I can't see how a POSTER qualifies as sexual harassment anyway. Uhh, if I'm not mistaken "harass" is an action verb and if I look up SEXUAL HARASSMENT in the dictionary it says 1. comments about sex, physical contact, etc. usually that happens at work, that a person finds annoying and offensive 2. the repeated making of sexual advances or obscene remarks to a person, especially in a workplace. As far as I know, the guy in the poster did not sexually harass anyone. The guy reportedly apologized on TV about his offensive chest.

Maybe the reason they banned it is because the guy in the front looks like he's taking one up the poop chute, hence the strange facial expression...

THEY CALL ME TRINITY / TRINITY IS STILL MY NAME

I'm extremely happy that these 2 classic Terence Hill/Bud Spencer spaghetti westerns have finally been released domestically in decent versions. THEY CALL ME TRINITY and the follow up TRINITY IS STILL MY NAME have been released umpteen dozen times in inferior versions ranging from absolute unwatchable crap to not-so-bad-not-so-good crappy version. It's a goddamn mystery why anyone hadn't got around to it sooner, especially since these are supposed to be 2 of the most successful and highest grossing films of all time in the spaghetti western genre. Apparently TRINITY IS STILL MY NAME made twice as much as THE GOOD, THE BAD AND UGLY at the box office.

It's nice to see them FINALLY mastered from the original negatives. I've never seen these films look so good. You can buy 'em seperately, but you may as well just get the Twin Pack, put out by Hen's Tooth Video late last year. These films are very special to me. The first time I watched these 2 films, I was only a young wipper snapper about 14 or 15, my dad had rented them on video, and I remember my dad laughing like a hyena at some of the scenes. I did too.

I'm sure this pair of slapstick clowns need no introduction to some of you, but for the uninitiated, these 2 films made Bud Spencer and Terence Hill overnight international superstars, ushering a 25 year association for the 2 actors. They went on to work with some of the most famous Italian directors in the biz, most notably Sergio Leone (Terence Hill starred in the brilliant MY NAME IS NOBODY), Sergio Corbucci and Luchino Visconti. Actually, It's fuckin' crazy how many films they made together. If you want to get an idea of just how many films they made, you should check out http://www.xs4all.nl/~hopmans/Budhill.htm, the interface is terrible but the info within very useful. Also, there's an international site for Terence Hill at http://www.terencehill.com/

If you're even remotely interested in the spaghetti western genre, you can't miss these 2 ground-breaking films.

MacBook Air? Yeah, that's about all it is. Air.

What the fuck is this? Looks cool, nice and sleek design, the world's thinnest notebook. Great, great, great. But where's the beef? No CD/DVD combo drive. What's a laptop without that? The ad is exactly right. Stick it in an envelope and mail it to someone. Anyone. They want us to hook up a DVD drive on the plane if we wanna watch a movie? Put a CD/DVD reader/writer and MAYBE I'll buy one.

To me, this is one more step Steve Jobs is taking to sell more of his stupid i-Pods and for people to start embracing mp3 technology more. Well, I ain't going for it. You rat fink bastards can HAVE your stinking i-Pods! Fuck mp3's!!!! I'd rather lug my entire CD collection around on the bus or plane (cases and artwork included) than buy one of those monstrosities. i-Pods are one of the reasons musicians don't make money anymore. We're entering the download age and let me tell ya, I DON'T LIKE IT!!! If I sound old and not "down with the scene" well FUCK YA! Every time I see an i-Pod ai wanna smash it on the ground. My fucking wife even wants to buy one and I keep telling her NO!

Yes, I download like everyone else, but if I like what I hear I go out and buy it, especially if it's an independent artist. YES, I BUY THE CD! You know why? I'm an artist, and a total music geek collector and movie collector. I like to look at the liner notes, appreciate the cover art (not a fucking jpg of the cover art), smell the nice printing job, I like to get the whole experience. i-Pods and mp3's are slowly DESTROYING that experience. I shudder to think about when I have kids, are they gonna be reading novels and magazines on a screen? Are they gonna be just downloading shit and not browsing through record stores? Are record stores even gonna exist in 10 years?

Anyway, NO, I will never get rid of my books, records, CD's or DVD's and burn my CD collection to mp3 format. NEVER! Even if CD players become obsolete, I'll have to go to the antique shop and pick one up in 40 years I guess.

Call me old fashioned, I couldn't give a cold dead monkey's spunk. i-Pod's and mp3's are evil. EVIL. Crap on you for owning one. MacBook Air? Phooey! Double Phooey...

JAPAN: The air conditioned nightmare

I'd like to address something that I think needs addressing and that I believe I ranted about a long time ago, perhaps last winter. That is, about the excessive amount of air conditioning in Japan.

I live in Kansai, and it seems to be the worst here, although everywhere i go, it's a fucking air conditioned nightmare. I can't take public transportation without sweating my balls off. I can't go inside a store, mall, or an other public place without the heat being blasted so high that I have to remove half my clothing to feel even remotely comfortable. Even in open outside ares like train platforms, the heat's blasted to make people feel more "comfortable".

First of all, it's not really that cold. You want to experience real cold, go to Russia, or Canada in the dead of January. Second, people are already dressed for the weather. Actually, people are wearing winter clothing as early as September or October, when the temperature is still sweltering hot and humid in most places in this country. Third, it's a big fucking waste of money. Japan prides itself recently on "Warm Biz" which is supposed to be get people to be more environmentally conscious and wear an extra later or 2 rather than using heat. What the fuck is the point? None.

Maybe it's just me. Maybe I have too much fat and I sweat too easily. But it seems to me that people care more about showing off their latest winter fashions than being comfortable anyway, so I'm wasting my breath.

Some days I get so furious that I feel like stripping off all my duds right on a crowded train and fanning myself with a sensu (Japanese folding fan) just to prove a point. But my point would be completely ignored, because even if I WAS naked, people would turn a blind eye to it. People are fucking pussies in this country and they don't want anyone invading their comfortable little world for fear that they might have to get involved. To prove this point, I recently watched one of those public sex porn videos featuring Ran Monbu, who's pretty famous. Anyway, their are basically 4 parts to the movie. Part 1 takes place in a convenience store. Ran Monbu is filmed pissing into an empty cup ramen bowl, then she sucks a guy's dick until he blows his load, all the while people are just walking around like nothing is happening.

The next scene is in a public phone booth, and actually a few guys stop and watch for a few seconds, but quickly move on. The last (and best) scene is on a crowded train. Ran Monbu plays with herself with a vibrator, then starts kissing another girl and feeling he tits for a few minutes, then if that's not enough, she starts sucking a guy off, then the guy is doin' er doggy style until he finally drops a big one all over her face. ON A CROWDED TRAIN!!!!! With little to NO reaction from anyone. There's people literally inches away reading the paper and shit. How many other countries could this happen but Japan?

Anyway, I digress from my original rant. The excessive air conditioning is not necessary, in my opinion. I feel strongly enough about it to actually petition, but my efforts would probably be in vain.

After enduring roughly 8 months of warm weather (4 or 5 months of which is intolerably hot and sticky), I look forward to the fall and the winter, and YES, I look forward to the COLD! but everywhere you go in Japan, they gotta make it feel like summer all year round.