Rotten Man

Recently, my rotten counterpart from CCBE had an idea about a TV show starring me. The name of the show would be "ROTTEN MAN". Although I don't think HBO is quite ready for such depravity, it WOULD be a pretty rotten show. This is kind of what he was thinking as a basic outline below:

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I was thinking that a main part of the show is that the audience doesn't know why Rotten Man behaves the way he does, there doesn't seem to be any explanation as to the source of his "problem". We could meet his parents and find them to be lovely, kind, friendly people who gave Rotten Man a good, privileged childhood. So it's not his parents. (of course there will have to be scenes where Rotten Man tries to mount his mother or father or both and they're like, "Oh Jeffrey (or whatever his real name winds up being) you know that's not polite".)

Why though? Why is he like that?! The answer is that no one knows and that's one of the things that drives the plot forward. It's a mystery.

Another mystery is that we don't know why all his friends, family (maybe he's even married with kids) and his coworkers including his employers put up with this shit. It's really beyond ridiculous what he gets away with. So that's another thing that we're all dying to find out. The reason would come out in the season finale or final episode or something.

All of these plot tricks used to lure in the audience are classic hollywood or big network TV gimmicks to get viewers hooked and I say we do all the formulaic things that they do except that there is unspeakable obscenity and vulgarity in this show. Beyond fucking beyond man. Like nothing needs to be held back. He munches on vermin regularly.

So as for other specific ideas:

He's sitting at his desk eating something like meat on a bone of some kind and his coworker's are all watching him. It's quite weird to be eating such a thing at your desk. He's tapping away at his computer and munching on this meat and someone asks him what it is and he's like "baby" and they're like "what?, you're eating baby?" and he replies, "yeah it's just a baby's arm" as he waves it around a bit, gristle and grease flying off it, and we never actually know if he's kidding because after he says that it becomes apparent that this meat indeed kind of resembles the arm of a baby but we're not sure.

He imitates Alex with the old "in out, in out" bit all the time! Often he does this at totally inappropriate moments or even when there's no one around and maybe he's just talking to his stapler.

He often threatens inanimate objects like the wall or an elevator button.

He shows up to work still drunk even though he slept through the night. His coworkers are talking to him and then, confused, they say, "Are you drunk Jeff?" and he just fucking freaks out to the point where he pukes an ocean all over some girl's hair and then apologizes to her by massaging the vomit into her head. Maybe he begins to cry.

His iChat or AIM icon is his own shit in the toilet. This doesn't need to be a major thing, just a small detail that is shown at some point when someone receives an instant message from him and this greasy turd appears for an icon on their computer screen. The icon could also be picture of a twat with a trout sticking out of it. Maybe he changes the icon later to the trout. Like 5 episodes later a similar scene happens, but the icon is different.

He farts often and groans with satisfaction afterwards. Or he could groan a lot more than was necessary and just slowly begin to freak out screaming "what a fucking ripper that was!!!! Holy shit that stinks!! Just fucking ROTTEN! eh Julie? What the fuck eh? Jezus Shit that fuckin REAKS! Just a fuckin WIND eh Julie? Holy shit! Fuck!" (then does some blast beats)

Sometimes he doesn't freak out all the time, he'll be calm in a meeting acting pretty normal, but then he'll just start breathing through his nose kind of hard and annoying-like. Perhaps it's not even intentionally to be an asshole, he's just naturally annoying. So he'll be making some small mouth noises maybe. He could stretch and there's like huge pit stains on his shirt from his sweating problem. Little things like that really bother the others.

A scene where he's listening to his boss tell him about something really important for work. They're standing in the meeting room after a meeting and his boss is like "Jeff, I need that report by tomorrow. Can you handle that?" and Rotten Man is like "Of course Frank, it shouldn't be a problem except there's one small matter I need to go over" and then as his boss is going "oh yeah what is it?" Rotten Man fuckin screeches his nails on the blackboard that they're standing near. Just fuckin reefs on the board and everyone around there is like AUGHHHGHGHGH Fuck! Rotten Man you asshole! And then he just fuckin starts to act like a fuckin hyena and kicks his boss in the shins super hard.

An alternative to that scene is that when his boss is telling him about needing the reports, Rotten Man is like "uh huh, uh huh" all attentive, but then he just nonchalantly leans over to screech his nails on the board as if it's a totally normal thing to do.

Another idea for an episode (and this is maybe pushing things into a weird place) is that one day he's totally normal, never acts out, but everyone around him does. Like they do all the things that he normally does and he just ignores it the same way they do when he acts that way. This would kind of be a wild card episode since there would be no explanation as to why this is, but I think that TV audiences are OK with that kind of thing. TV has gotten pretty fucked up in the last few years. Check out "Arrested Development", "The Family Guy" and "Curb Your Enthusiasm". Those shows are either really weird and eccentric plot-wise or they just have vulgar humour.

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Another idea for a small scene:

It's first thing in the morning at Greck Marketing Corp. Julie and Mary are talking about last night's episode of "Friends" by the copy machine. In walks ROTTEN MAN, about 1 hour late, reeking of booze and cigarettes, and walks towards them and stops, glaring at them with a glazed look in his eyes. "DIDJA GET ANY LAST NIGHT!!!!!" says ROTTEN MAN in a loud drunken voice, then starts doing blast beats on the photocopier, then walks off muttering something unintelligible, letting a huge long fart. Julie and Mary just start giggling to each other. Rotten Man then sits down at his desk, looks at how full his in-box is and Screams "FUCKING DANDY. RRRRRZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!" then turns on his computer. He looks at the in-box again, then looks up and notices that John is coming towards him. Rotten Man stands up and runs towards him and punches John right in the nuts. John kneels over in agony, ROTTEN MAN starts making farting sounds by putting his mouth on his right upper arm, the John says in a half-dying voice: M-morning ROTTEN MAN. Got those market reports?

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Anyway, if anyone has any more ideas for a script, send em in.